I have a friend

This was written in November of 2005...the names have been changed in case she reads this.

I have a friend, J        , who lives in Memphis.  She and I made plans for her to visit this past weekend.  Somehow I managed to not write down in my calendar that I was keeping my son Saturday night, the girls were going camping.  J         and I rented a car Saturday so she could drive to Macon that evening and see a friend instead of waiting around here while my son and I attended his playoff football game.  At the time, this seemed like the best thing to do.  The drive was long, the horse show was boring, and she wishes she’d never come to town.

The fault is mine.  I’m the reason it ended up like this.  All I had to do was tell the EX, “Yes, I have plans.  But those plans include my son – they don’t exclude him.”  Why am I still worried about whether she gets pissed at me?  Old habits die a painfully slow death in my life.  I’m the guy in the corner who at 41 still bites his fingernails.  How long have I been in sales?  You know you can’t give everyone exactly what they want.  But, you can make them feel comfortable in believing you have the situation under control.  
 
J        , it’s hard for me to start a sentence with the word “no.”  I told her this would be a situation where I needed to do what was best for my son.  Anything else would be the wrong thing to do.  We’d spoken about it many times during the week.  She even offered to cancel or reschedule her trip.  She offered to visit her friend Robin in Macon, or did she ask me if I wanted her to visit Robin?  I can’t remember.  Still, wasn’t it going to be enough that we would be together Friday night?  No stress, no fuss, just hang out and watch a few movies.  Friday’s are supposed to be relaxation night anyway.  It wasn’t because we had this hanging over our heads.
 
It wasn’t a very good visit to Macon and she could not have felt that she was important to me.  “Let’s get you a rental car so you can get out of town because I was too much of a candy-ass to tell the EX the truth.”  She must have rethought her decision to come to Atlanta the entire way down there.  I can see her sitting in the PT Cruiser we rented stewing like a tomato all the way down Interstate 75.  She’s a princess and royalty does not rent PT Cruisers.  The text messages she sent me at 1 a.m. didn’t help my conscious either.  “This sux.”  “I have dirt in my nose.”  Spending your Saturday night at a horse show in Unadilla instead of with the person you thought you were coming to visit can’t be much fun.  Turns out it wasn’t.
 
My shrink helped me with the problem.  “Look” he said, “as long as you two aren’t hanging all over each other then she’s just a friend.  Get her a hotel room and get on with your life.”  There’s a reason I’m paying him – remember it next time.